Bleach: If Authors Could Visit
by Dori Moonrise
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Bleach fanfiction writers could visit them? Well this what happened when me and my friend BCOH, a.k.a BloodiedCoreOfHope, visited! Be ready for crazy induced fun! [Co-written with BloodiedCoreOfHope.rated T for language and perverted stuff. BCOH and I, have and never will own bleach. R&R!]
1. I won't insult chappy & captain seaweed

Dori stared at her phone as she rode in the back of a van. She and her friend BCoH were both taking a trip to Karakura town. She texts BCoH even though BCoH was just beside her.  
DM: it going to be boring when we get there, isn't. I know! We can insult chappy and captain seaweed with Ichi's phone.  
BCOH: OH! that seems like a good idea. who's captain seaweed? Byakuya like him ?  
DM: yeah sadly I experienced captain seaweed first hand.

* * *

Dori smiled wickedly as they approached the building they would be staying in. BCoH looked up at the sky "WOW! I can't believe we're finally here it just seems a little... I don't know, Surreal?" she smiled and grinned at her friend "We need to find strawberries, lots and LOTS of strawberries!"

Dori chuckled, "Only you could think up with something silly like that the moment we get somewhere," Dori got their apartment key. "Luckily we have the money to spend on that."  
BCoH looked at Dori in surprise even as her friend helped her lug their stuff inside their apartment room "We have MONEY? where did we get it from? I can't remember at all!"  
Dori gave her a deadpan stare "Are you really going to question the phase author's conveniences?" Dori pulled the last of the luggage in. "OH, Wow. This place is big." BCOH whistled "It is pretty damn big and it's right next to some shops, I think Urahara Shoten is only a block or so away from here so we could drop in there sometime. we've got the perfect spot here!" she walked over to the patterned sofa and dropped onto it with a sigh.  
Dori drop on the floor, "yeah... we can take Ichi's phone for a bit after a nap...ZzZzZ"

**xXTwOHoUrSXx**

Dori woke with a start awhile later with a cry of "pie!" Dori's eye twitched, "why the hell did I say pie?"  
BCOH laughed at her frends predicament as she walked out of the kitchen "Probably because you smelt me making this!" she said as with a flourish she pulled out a golden brown apple pie with a strawberry patterned picture of Ichigo's head.  
Dori promptly began drooling. "Can I have some?" But her phone had other plans, for it started to play the American song 'we will rock you' Dori snapped out of her pie induced phase. She looks at the caller. "It's hat &amp; clogs." She picks it up.  
"Hello?"  
"Hello, Dori! *** *** * *** * ***"  
"OK?"  
"*** is a**, b**"  
"Bye?" Dori hung up. BCoH looked at her friend with a surprisingly serious face on "The heck was that, half of it needed to be censored so our rating stayed the same!" She sighed and then looked at the pie on the table before walking out, "I'll go grab a knife and cut us a few slices, maybe we could give it to Ichi chan, with cupcakes styled like shiro and zanny..."

Dori frowned, "Urahara was trying to call but apparently something took the phone. One of Urahara's experiments got out of hand I'm guessing." BCOH shuddered, that sounded like the former twelfth captains luck alright. "So... do you want to check out the area, see if we can spot any of the gang?"  
Dori nodded. "We should leave our bodys here." Dori pulls out her metal combat pass and pressed it against her chest. Her soul form is that of an arrancar with long light Gray hair covering her right eye, and her mask fragment wraps around her head with bone formed cat ears. She tossed the pass to BCoH. BCOH quickly repeated the action revealing a  
fox eared lady with long ginger hair and simple robes topped off with a silky purple leopard scarf to be her soul form.

Dori glanced at BCoH. "You go try and help hat 'n clogs. I'll find the gang."  
Dori took off in sondio.

BCoH growled in slight frustration, ears twitching as she stalked through the streets to Urahara Shoten. When she got there she slammed the shoji doors open and stepped inside, looking around she spotted a cute little bunny yelling obscenities at the store owner who was in a gigai. she stared at the sight almost giggling but kept her composure, she waltzed up behind the little ball of condensed evil fluffiness and picked it up in her claws by the scruff of it's fluffy neck. "give one good reason why you shouldn't end up as rabbit stew!"

XxWith DorixX

Dori was sondioing as fast as she could towards Kurakara high where she assumed the group would be. When she arrived the gang was having lunch. She jumped to the roof. "Guys! We got a problem at Urahara's!"  
"Ack! Dori what are you doing here, and what happened?"Ichigo states in a serious tone. "Well-" Dori was cut off by a large explosion at the Urahara Shoten.  
"S***." Dori took off in sondio again, heading to the Urahara Shoten with ichigo and uryuu.  
when they got there they found BCOH helping Urahara up with a rabbit on a table stammering out many variations of 'I'm not tasty!'. "You dragged us out of school for this? your weirdo friend seems to have it covered quite neatly." the strawberry was the first one to speak and the quincy followed shortly after with "Indeed, who is she anyway Dori?"  
Dori walked past Ichigo and Uryuu completely ignoring them. "BCoH! What the living HELL happened!? We saw an explosion from the school! And Urahara you freak me out by calling, and suddenly start cussing?! And all because of this walking hos 'n fefer(rabbit stew.)!" Dori points accusingly at the rabbit to punctuate her point.  
BCOH grimaced in response "I don't really know to be honest, I got here and Urahara was trapped in his gigai by this rabbit which was yelling curses at him for some reason! maybe Urahara knows what happened, since he is the responsible adult apparently."  
Dori was clearly p***ed to any observer. "Urahara, What. The. Hell. Happened?" Dori ground out as a dark aura began coming from her.

Urahara backed up against the wall nervously, hand fluttering to his fan but giving up halfway. "Well, Yoruichi-san wanted me to see if her power could be used in reverse..." BCOH and Dori glared prompting Urahara to expand on his statement.

* * *

two minutes later Dori and BCoH had beaten Urahara up because he was unable to explain the explosion (which could be seen from school). In return for it they had to keep the rabbit as a pet since the rabbit n question had gabbled out something along the lones of 'sentient creatures don't deserve to die'.

Dori sighed. "That was crazy... at least it worked out to our advantage!"  
BCoH cocked her head to one side even as she petted the cute albino rabbit, "What advantage?"  
Dori pulls Ichigo's phone out of her pocket. "This advantage. I've already texted insults of chappy and captain seaweed to the kuchikis using it." Dori is smiling now. BCOH joined her in grinning and spoke "lets go to the window to observe Ichigo getting pumelled! It takes about ten minutes to get a proper senkaimon running so they should be coming through right about- THERE IT IS!" BCOH had run to the window robes a-rustling as she observed the Kuchiki's bankai come into effect against the death berry.  
Dori opened the window. "Oi! berry catch!" She threw Ichigo's phone at said berry somehow avoiding senbonzakura's many petals of death. When the ginger head realised that what he caught was his phone with texts on it insulting Chappy and Captain Seaweed he yelled "Damn you, Dori!"


	2. Will Kenny take Barbie for a ride!

"Kenpachi! we can ask Kenpachi if he's taking barbie for a ride!" BCOH yelled suddenly in the middle of their lunch.

Dori dropped her spoon into her bowl, and gave BCOH the 'are you freaking kidding me' look. "First of all that's crazy, second is how do we get to the soul society, and third if we do ask that we better be able to run as fast as we can."

BCOH laughed "Of COURSE we can! I can use kaze to cut open a reality hole like we did to get here and for the running? well... sonido and my wind run!". she looked at her friends expression and giggled. "Don't be like that! Dori-chan! It's not that bad an idea!"

"Fine, fine. But we better tell the rabbit that we'll be gone for a while." Dori looked at the rabbit, then down at her half empty bowl of ramen. "What are we going to name the rabbit anyways?"

BCOH looked at her friend and an evil grin seemed to spread itself across her foxy features. "how about rakki? it means lucky in japanese and it was to not end up as a snack!"

Dori turned and called at Rakki. "Oi, rabbit! your name is now Rakki, me and BCoH and I will leaving for a while, after lunch!" Dori then started to go back to her bowl of ramen but was quickly drawn to observing her friend eating. BCoH was delicately munching what looked like a regular chicken you would eat except for the fact that it was a pale white rather than the tan colour a cooked one had. "Are you eating a raw chicken?"  
BCoH looked down at her food in surprise at the topic mentioned. "Huh... guess I am! being half fox has it's perks I guess." Dori smiled and went back to her food. When she finished she started to clean the dishes, since she doesn't trust the dish washer in their apartment.

BCoH looked out the window and saw the classic sight of the eldest Kurosaki child beating a hollow up. "Hey Dori! look who I found! maybe we can bring him along...?"

"Hang on, I still need to clean your plate!" Dori almost yelled from the kitchen. Dori came into the dining room a few seconds later. She look out the window. "Yeah, we can bring him, use him as a decoy after you ask kenpachi what you want to ask."

BCoH frowned but then shrugged. With a cry of "twist the hand of fate, Josei!" she entered her Shikai replacing her scarf with a long chain wrapped around her wrist connecting to a thickish Odachi. She dashed out the window ignoring the laws of Physics as she went to grab the strawberry decoy. Dori shrugged.

"Might as well." She pulled out her Zanpakuto. "Erupt and burn every thing, Moeru yōna inu!"

Dori's small Zanpakuto turned into a large thin bladed great sword. Dori jumped through the window to follow BCoH and the strawberry. BCoH had just launched a mini tornado from her rapidly spinning sword to defeat it and was currently dashing after the strawberry making determined grabs at his robes and falling short each time. Dori sonidoing towards the two. She quickly snatched the berry's robes and knocked him out. BCoH looked her friend with her ears perked up in amusement "wasn't that a bit overkill? knocking him out I mean."  
Dori stared at the unconscious death berry. "No, because he would squirm. I don't like to hold squirming things."

BCoH giggled at her friend, then chuckled, then laughed and finally culminated in hysterics. "you... your deadpan delivery... ha haha ha! so... he hheahaha... FUNNY!"

Dori gave BCOH the 'what the hell' face. "We going or not?" The berry was now on Dori's shoulder and his Zanpakuto is on her back along with her Zanpakuto.

"OKAY! okay! we're going! spin the thread of destiny Kaze No Josei! Tear." BCoH had entered her bankai and the ginormous blue fan had been snapped open at the word 'tear'. BCoH quickly slashed it downwards revealing a circular black and white portal. she hopped on her fan and with a call of "Come on Dori!" she was surfing off into the pseudo senkaimon.

"Coming!" Dori soon followed after BCoH.

**Xxsoul societyxX Xx11th divisionxX**

"well, here we are, the 11th squads Barracks! now... which way's Zaraki and barbie?..." BCoH had trailed off at the end because her friend was shooting her 'NO! DON'T SAY IT!' looks. she sighed "He's right behind me isn't he?" Dori only slowly nodded.

BCoH woke up the strawberry and whispered in his ear. He blinked slowly before confidently yelling "IS KENNY TAKING BARBIE FOR A RIDE!" BCoH promptly dropped him on the ground and jumped into a convenient portal she made earlier and observed through a one way viewing portal with Dori. "We'll collect him later, ne?"

"Have fun!" Dori was grinning madly as she yelled at the strawberry who was running for his life from inside the one way portal. A distant cry of "F*** YOU!" could be heard if you listened closely. BCoH smiled "I think we can leave him be, he doesn't look to be in any immediate danger! Pick him up in an hour?"

"Sure. I need to pick up a couple entries papers for Ichi's school anyway." And Dori left for the living world without waiting to see BCoH's reaction.

BCoH blinked a few times and then yelled at the swirling portal she had left from. "WHAT?! Who said I wanted to go to school! That was the whole reason I FREAKING LEFT THE REAL WORLD GODDAMNIT!". Distantly a few chuckles could be hear even as BCoH waltzed around Soul Society, observing Ichigo moving at inhuman speeds did nothing to lighten her mood.


	3. Kenpachi Fried Chicken is not funny

Dori was currently trying to hold BCoH down whilst she herself held some papers above her friends head. The reason was because her friend BCoH was trying to shred the papers Dori had in her hands. "NO! I DO. NOT. WANT. TO GO TO SCHOOL!" her tail was lashing and her ears pinned back against her head as she attempted to slash her friend for suggesting such an outrageous idea.

" I. DON'T. CARE. WE'RE GOING AND THAT'S FINAL!" Dori finally managed to sit on BCoH. "I'll get you Kenpachi Fried Chicken afterwards if you agree." BCoH frowns and attempts to push her friend off herself by using her tail to no avail. She sighs "1. What the heck name am I going to use, bloodied core of hope is NOT normal and 2. Kenpachi. Fried. Chicken. I mean really?"

"Answer to 1. Sukai Tsuki and answer to 2. KFC, Kenpachi fried chicken, I've been there." Dori said while she attempts work on the last of the papers. Her friend was, unfortunately for Dori, relentless in her tail utilising tickle torture as she interrogated her long haired friend. "What does Sukai Tsuki mean…?"

"Sky Moon." Dori has said the comment off-handedly while she was seemingly unaffected by the tickling her friend was giving to her. BCoH directed a desperate glare at her "I still don't want to go…"  
"And I don't care. We're going." Dori had finished up the last of the papers. BCoH huffed and got into her gigai, annoyance rolling off her in waves. She stomped out the room practically dragging her friend by the ear and sulked under the bus stop when they got there. Dori rolled her eyes at her friend's ludicrous antics.  
"Cheer up, we'll be in Ichi's class." Her friend perked up at that, if she was in soul form you would be hard pressed to ignore the swishing tail and ramrod straight ears. "does that mean we might see the sekkouboku?"

Dori shrugged "yeah, maybe." BCoH smiled in glee and activated her shikai from inside her gigai sword hanging limply for all who could to see. They hung around the door waiting for Ms. Ochi to call them in. "Come in, girls." called. Dori and BCoH came in. "hello I'm Dori Moonrise and this is my cousin Sukai Tsuki." Dori introduced the two dimension travellers.  
BCoH waved shyly "hi?" Ms. Ochi smiled at them. "The seats next to Kurosaki are free and there's one behind Ishida if you want that one as well." Dori decided to take the free seat behind Ishida. BCoH waltzed down the aisle to Ichigo flicking her wrist a little in order to show off the chain linked around her wrist tightly. Ichigo glared at her and the moment Ms. Ochi turned around he spoke. "Who the hell are you?! I know Dori over there from the Espada but not you."

"so, Uryu how have you been?" Dori said to Uryu over his shoulder. the glasses wearing quincy turned slightly away from her before replying "fine. but you should focus on the lesson." pouting Dori went back to her notes.

It didn't take long for the surprisingly boring lesson to finish and the morning break to cause students to sigh in unexaggerated relief. BCoH was no exception and after obtaining her lunch box from her locker she went up onto the roof to curl up in the sun. when she arrived she saw Dori being interrogated about BCOH by Ichigo.

"Ichi I told you already, she's a friend from Britain." but sadly Ichigo was not going to take that as an answer. "well-" He was interrupted by the girl in question walking onto the roof with her hand in a KFC box. "what? Does NOBODY like KFC, I mean they do layer it with so many spices and they cook it so it's not the best but really-"

"BCOH, please don't go into detail with that. And i thought i said that i'd get you some Kenpachi Fried Chicken AFTER school. You don't realy need KFC AND Kenpachi Fried Chicken in the same day." BCoH looked a little sad at that but one second later she had her zanpakuto In her hand and slashed the air. The thin black and white swirl slowly grew bigger and a white clone of Ichigo was soon seen being dragged from his place in the strawberry's mind.

Ichigo sputtered in shock but BCoH just smirked "HI! Sekkouboku-chan, it's nice to meet ya, Dori. Repeat that last bit would you?" "The part with KFC and Kenpachi Fried Chicken or..." Dori trailed off seeing Shiro's face. He was the epitome of hysterics. Rolling on the floor giggling, the white clone of Ichigo's face was clenched in sheer joy. A warbling "hehe, Kenpachi fried… too DAMN FUNNY!" came out of his blue mouth.


	4. Chapter 4 (title too long to put here)

_**It's not right to say that stabbing Ichigo in the face would kill him instead of the chest.**_

* * *

Dori poked her head out of her door, "Hey BCoH, I was thinking and doesn't it seem better if Ichi's enemies stabbed him in the face and not the chest?" BCoH stared at her from where she was stirring pot noodles in the hall. "No, he does NOT stay dead that kid." She shook her head in amusement at the concept of her favourite non-edible strawberry staying dead.  
Dori puffed her cheeks. "Well, I'm still going Hueco Mundo to tell Uliqui-Chan." with that Dori promtly opened a garganta and left for las noches. BCoH stared at her friends closing grganta in mild surprise then she shrugged. "Eh. If she's telling Ulqui-chan I'll tell grimm-kitty!"  
Xx In las Noches xX  
Dori was currently wandering through the Espada's main rooms corridor. "I'm lost... again." Dori dips her head.  
"Moonrise-san?" A monotone voice questions from behind Dori. Dori quickly turned around when she heard the voice . "Ulqui-Chan!" "I found these two… consorting about something." His stare could have drilled holes through Zangetsu's shikai form, stares at the two, who happen to BCOH and Grimmjow."Probably a plot to kill Ichigo by stabbing him in the face and not the chest."  
BCoH glared. "Just because I-" Grimmjow chose that moment to speak "Gave me a BRILLIANT IDEA."  
Dori snicker, "To bad we can't fully kill him, because Orihime-San has to be there to revive him." Dori looks at Grimmjow, "I'm the one who told BCoH. And I want to video tape it!" BCoH laughed. "Give me a second and I can get Orihime and hack every TV so it shows the fight!"Dori did a small air fist pump and whispered 'yes!'.

"Ulqui-chan, Ulqui-chan, come &amp; watch with us and we can bring distor with us!" A very fluffy grey cat with sherbert eyes comes out from behind ulquiorra. "Distor!" Dori squealed and pick up the cat. "I missed you!" Dori lightly hugs the cat, now known as Distor. BCoH looked on, tail swishing in confusion. "What- you know what, I don't want to know where that crazy hollow picked up a cat…"

She slashed the air with the sword she had acquired from seemingly nowhere . a black and white swirling portal opened up and she reached in pulled an orange haired girl. "Stay there, and don't get hurt. The berry would attempt to kill me if you got hurt. BCoH reached in again this time pulling out a ginger male. "YOU TAPING THIS?"

"YES! ITS ON WHATEVER MODE ALLOWS YOU TO TAPE GHOSTS!" Dori was holding a camera, and Ulquiorra was pointing out how to use it. Orihime is sitting next to the two petting Distor. BCoH grinned "le popcorn is served, as is le Entertainment!" Ichigo was running for his life yelling obscenities at the group of popcorn eating entities. Grimmjows mask fragment was grinning as well, despite the impossibility that is an inanimate object grinning.

* * *

Later that day Ichigo lay near dead in the fourth division even though Orihime had healed him, repeatedly. every being living, dead, and even those in the deepest pits of hell had seen a video livestream of the guy no one can kill.


	5. I won't point out that Ichi compensates

_**I shouldn't have pointed out people like Ichigo must be compensating for something by having such big swords.**_

* * *

"look! I don't care how tasty the coffee is YOU CAN'T BUY FIVE HUNDRED JARS OF IT!" BCoH was currently being yelled at over the phone by her flatmate. BCoH whined "But it's sooo tasty! And Strawberry doesn't get moaned for having five hundred tons of sword… "  
A snap was heard, "I. DON'T. F***ING. CARE. WE DON'T HAVE ROOM IN THE APARTMENT!" BCoH held the phone away from her ear "I can just store in a subdimension, what was the snap on your end anyway?"  
Grumbling was heard on the other end along with some rustling of clothes. "My chopsticks I was using. For why strawberry isn't moaned at is because he's probably compensating, or something."

BCoH sighed "Alright. I'll bite. What's he compensating for Dori? Oh yeah, I'm just down the road so I'll be in soon"  
"I'll tell when you get here." Then Dori hung up on BCoH. BCoH sighed and quickened her pace to get there faster, almost breaking into a run. She slammed the door open ignoring the vague splatting sound one associates with a small animal being squished as she strode over to her beanbag to sit down. Dori came out of the kitchen holding a boot. "BCOH, when did we get spiders in the house?"  
BCoH blinked "EH? I don't know. Maybe the old owner of the flat didn't realize it was there… or they did and couldn't deal with it."  
"Then we're going to have to call pest control. There's a nest behind the washing machine." Dori stared at the washing machine very suspiciously. BCoH almost laughed at the expression the previous 4th espada wore, almost. "Why not call Strawberry? He can probably scare 'em off with his reiatsu and we can ask him about le compensation!"  
"Ok. You get him, I ain't gonna leave that infernal machine un-watched." BCoH did not succeed in holding back her laughter this time and was forced to evade blind slashes from Dori as she ran out of the apartment to find the completely un-edible object named after an edible object. "Strawberry chan! Dori wants ya!" Said strawberry looked up from the school-work he was doing. "Uhh, ok?"

"Good! Let's go"  
One combat pass later the strawberry was being dragged all the way back to the apartment by an exiled Shinigami to kill spiders. BCoH wasn't going to tell him that though, no, that was Dori's job. When they got there loud cusses were coming from the kitchen. Ichigo gave BCOH the 'what-the-hell-is-going-on-in-there' face. BCoH shrugged and pushed him in there, shoved the dioor closed and locked it. Ichigo was seeing an espada speaking fluently in sailor language covered in terantulas. He was immediately covered by them as well, he failed to notice though as all the spiders that got on him sparked and died. "Raise your reiatsu! F***!" Dori yelled to Ichigo. The death berry raised his reiatsu very high. As he did all the tarantulas sparked and died.  
BCoH was leaning on the door and only heard 'bzzz' sounds and occasional flashes and thumps. "Is it over now?"

"If you consider Rakki eating a few, yes!" Dori yelled from inside.

BCoH giggled "guess it's safe then~". She walked in and Ichigo was glaring at a wall Zangetsu swinging loosely in his hand.  
"OH! Now I remember, what are you compensating for Ichi? You must be with a sword THAT big!~"  
Ichigo turned bright red. "Wha-wha huh?!"

"If you don't want the rating to go to T I'll tell you." Dori whispers to BCoH. BCoH gave her friend a confused look "rating…? You know what nevermind, just tell me already!"  
"It's cause his crotch isn't bigger." Dori is beat red from having to blatantly say that and at some point while Dori was saying that, Ichigo fainted.


	6. I won't shoot pineapples & strawberries

Dori was currently making a cannon of some sort. "Did this to this. Now where did I put the wrenches?" Dori mumbled to herself. BCoH poked her head in the room "do you want some- the heck you making?!" Dori looked up from what she was doing. "A berry cannon and pineapple cannon obviously, where is that stupid wrench?!" BCoH gave her friend a weird look "it's on your head, Dori. Can I take the berry cannon?" she smiled nervously.  
"Of course you can use the berry cannon." Dori grabbed the wrench off her head and screwed a couple of bolts on the berry cannon. BCoH mumbled a thanks to her friend. She tugged the heavy cannon out of the room with much effort and grunting "when you've finished those could we go prank them? Renji and Ichigo I mean!"  
"I was planning on doing. Ichi is being released from the fourth and Renji is picking him up tomorrow." BCoH did a little jig and grinned at her friend "Ambush?"  
"Course."  
XxNextdayinthesoulsocityxX  
"Ok BCoH, I set up the cannons on the fourth's roof, and I got Unohana-taicho's permission." BCoH glanced at her friend from where she perched on the roof in a ninja outfit. "How the heck did you get near her? Let alone permission!"  
"I asked to see her and they let me. Then I asked if I could use the berry and fruit cannon, she was reluctant at first then I told her to place silencers in they so they won't disturb the patients. After hearing that she let me." Dori is currently wearing a Shihakushō instead of her normal white clothes.  
BcoH laughed "good! Hey, I think I see them. Over… THERE!"  
Dori looked to where BCoH pointed and sure enough they were there. "And it looks like they're stopping to talk. Quickly, help me aim the cannons!" BCoH rushed to the berry cannon pulling her hood up as she went. "ready… steady… FIRE! FIRE AAALLLL THE FRUIT!" And just as Renji was going to say something, a storm of pineapples hit him. Ichigo only had a second to realise what happened before he too was hit by a storm of strawberries. Dori looked at the mess of berries and fruits, saying "think that was a little too fast? I calibrated them to keep speed with bya-taicho, so I thought they could handle the onslaught." BCoH stared "did you just… you know what. Nervermind! I don't WANT to know how you did that." she pulled her hood down and opened a portal to the real world "you coming?"  
"Hang on…" Dori pulled a cart out of nowhere as it wasn't from inside the portal. She placed both cannons in it and pushed the cart through the portal with BCoH following behind her. Down on the ground with the two heaps of fruits covering there namesakes was Unohana observing the aftermath of the two silent cannons. "Well that had to be one of the more interesting things to happen, I may add it to my captain's report during the next meeting..."


	7. I won't shout bazinga when someone wins

BCoH was very bored, so very very bored. so bored in fact, that she was half willing to go to school if it would only relieve the boredom, alas it was a saturday so she could not. she could however bother her Arrancar friend by yelling 'Bazinga' every 1 minute, 45 seconds and 7.5 miliseconds. exactly on time despite the difficuilty of the task. Dori however was cooking lunch with music on. The music wasn't very loud to a normal human but since Dori was a cat arrancar it was much louder for her. BCoH persisted raising her voice so that even her own foxy ears started aching along with her voice box. Thankfully or not, Dori did hear BCOH but only a whisper and She turned off the music to hear BCOH.

"what are you doing?"

BCoH blushed. "well... I was um... kinda bored? yeah... I was bored so I wondered... could we um... maybe? maybe go and annoy the gang...?" her British accent had come through at the end a little stronger than usual.

Dori gave her a blank stare. "After lunch, I pull out frozen chicken awhile ago so it should by thawed." Dori poured her ramen into a bowl and poured the extra soup down the drain.

BCoH glared lightly at her. "You KNOW I like the soup- wait did you say chicken?"

Dori look at BCoH with the 'really.' Look. "Yes I did it's-" points her chopsticks at the raw chicken next to the sink. "They're right there. 3 b***** pieces." BCoH grinned "Don't call them B*****s, they're nice! nicer than rabbit at any rate..." She dug into the meat with fervor you really don't see anywhere else. Dori rolled her eyes and started eating her food.

Xx10minlaterxX

"OKAY! we're done~ can we bother them NOW? please!"

"Fine, fine." Dori looks out the window. "Hey, ichi-kun and Grimm-kitty are fighting. Ok so who ever wins we yell bazinga at?"

BCoH grinned, "You bet! want anything whilst we wait? I've got a stash in my pocket dimension of stuff..."

Dori stopped watching the cat &amp;death berry fight to reply. "Hand me some catnip, after this I'm gonna give Grimm-kitty some." BCoH shrugged and stuck her arm into thin air. literally. it completely dissapeared from the elbow up. after a few suspicuous sounds coming from within, most notably a childs scream, she withdrew with a sealed bag of catnip for Dori and sat down on one of two deckchairs with a bag of chicken flavored popcorn for herself. After quite a few getsuga tenshos and clerks later Ichigo was victorious.

Dori stood up and went the edge of the deck. "3, 2, 1, BAZINGA!"

even as Ichigo stalked over to them BCoH gave her friend a weird look. "What do you mean by clerks Dori?"

Dori looked the narration. "F***, I meant ceros. Stupid f***ing auto correction."

Ichigo at this point was severely confused. "What do you mean, Auto-Correct? am I missing something out?!"

BCoH smilled a foxy smile and laughed "Nothing you couldn't see from where we were watching! right Dori?"

Dori looked very grouchy. "Yes, of course. Hey BCOH distract ichi for while I need to do some thing." Thus sonidoing down to Grimmjow and quickly tending his wounds.

BCoH shrugged. "hey Ichi? Is this fanfic boring to you?" while Ichigo puzzled over what BCoH could possibly mean by that as Dori slipped off.

"There all your wounds are completely healed." Dori was whispering to Grimmjow and she pulls out the catnip. "Here eat some of this..." Grimmjow was then force fed the catnip.

BCoH quickly grabbed her laser pointer and put it on the back of Ichigo, Grimmjow's reaction was instantaneous. BcOh smiled. "Well, I think that ends the chapter, eh Dori?"

Dori laughed at the death berry that was being mauled the Espada cat. "Yes, Yes it does."


	8. I won't sing 'i can't decide' in battle

Dori was listening to 'I can't decide' by scissor sisters on her mp3 while reading manga. BCoH looked over her shoulder to see what Dori was reading, it was hetalia.

BCoH grinned "I could get you some bleach but it would upset the interdimension king... so it would have to be smuggled, you want some?"

Dori looked from the manga and turned off the music. "Sure, how long will that take?"

"gimme an hour or two, you can muck around with the guys while I'm in the border, K?" BCoH grinned, sword spinning in her hand.

Dori got up from the chair she was in started to for the door. "Okie dok. I'll be either in las noches or on sokyoku's hill." And she left before BCOH could reply. No one noticed Distor leave close behind Dori except Rakki.

Rakki snickered "Cat followed the idiot." BCoH smacked it upside the head and dissapeared into the interdimensional portal.

Dori was looking around town for Ichigo when she finally noticed Distor. "Oh, Hey Distor. Why did you follow me out of the house?" She picked up the cat and Distor jumped on to her head and laid there.

Distor seemingly snorted at the question. "To make sure don't screw up the land or something."

"So you were bored and Rakki was teasing you?" Dori pulled Distor off head and looked at her.

"Yes, Yes I was." Distor looked in the street and saw Ichigo fighting a hollow. "Bella look, Ichigo is right there."  
Dori seemed a little bothered by being called by middle name but look none of the less. " Oh, you right." Dori put Distor back the ground and called out to Ichigo. "Oi, ichi-berry! Over here!"

Ichigo glanced over. "eh? Dori? watcha doing?" he scratched his head as he amiably slashed a dozen hollows in half.  
"Yelling at you obviously." Dori decided to help Ichigo with the killing. "I wanted to know if we can have fight or some thing."  
Ichigo shrugged ansent mindedly murdering a gillian as he responded. "why not? just gimme a few secs to kill these guys..."  
"All right!" Dori yelled in excitement, Accidentally raising her reiatsu killing most of the hollows.

"Bella! Lower your reiatsu!" Distor yelled from where she was on the side walk. Dori lowered it.

"Sorry, that was my fault!" Dori smiled at a adjuchas coming straight for her. She made a gun shape with her hand and whispered, "cero"

_**#with BcOh#**_

"Goddamnit... Infrared devil hounds? really?" she was currently dodging multible blows from invisible hellhounds, Clutching a copy of bleach as she ran through the dimension stream to a friend slipping a stream of language that would make a sailor blush as she dodged fiery blows.

_**#with Dori#**_

"Yay! They're all gone!" Dori was cheering very childishly. Distor had walked over to the slightly dazed Ichigo on the ground and licked his face to snap him out of the daze state.

Ichigo yelped. "the heck! that- that- that was worse than when Tessai sat on me!" BCoH chose this moment to tumble scorched out of the dimensional tunnel landing face first on the ground with the book she was carrying spilling out on to the ground in front of Ichigo.

Dori was more freaking out about BCOH's condition than the book. "Distor where is my med kit!?"

"In your pocket, Bella." Distor said laying on the ground next to Dori.

"Thanks!" And Dori started to tend to BCOH's burns.

Ichigo bent down and picked it up. "Bleach? what's this..."

Dori squealed and quickly took the book. "I will let you see it if you win in the fight we were going to have." She put the book in her pocket.

BCoH grinned and sat back in a convenient deck chair getting her Ipod out ready, waiting for the PERFECT time to use it. as the fight Progressed and Dori grew ever closer to dealing the finishing blow she pressed one button. It started playing 'i can't decide'.

_"It's not..._  
_easy having yourself a good time._  
_Greasing up those bet and betters."_

Dori stated to move in sync with the song.

_"Watching out they don't four letter._  
_F*** and kiss you at the same time."_

Ichigo started to blush.

_"Smells like something I've forgotten,_  
_Curled up, died and now it rotten."_

Dori is now singing and fight-dancing with it.

_"I'm not a gangster tonight,_  
_Don't wanna be the bad!_  
_I'm just a loner baby,_  
_And now you've gotten in my way."_

Dori fired a ceros at ichigo.

_"I can't decide whether you should live-"_

Ichigo dodged it.

_"-or die."_

Dori sondio on top of ichigo and positioned her sword to stab Ichigo.

_"Oh you'll probably go to heaven~_  
_Please don't hang your head and cry."_

Dori sondio off Ichigo as did a side ways getsuga tensho.

_"No wonder my heart feels dead inside,_  
_It's cold and hard and petrified."_

Dori placed her hand on top on her hollow hole.

_"Lock the doors and close the blinds~_  
_We're going for a ride~"_

Dori sondio right behind Ichigo whisper the words into his ear.

_"It's a..._  
_B**ch Convincing people to like you~"_

Dori jumped away from Ichigo when he tried to cut her.

_"If I stop now call me a quitter._  
_If lies were cats you'd be a litter~"_

Dori stabbed the ground, "rise from ashes, Heru neko!"  
fire seeped through the ground and took the shape of many cats and a few dogs.

_"Pleasing every one isn't like you~_  
_Dancing jigs till I'm crippled,_  
_Slug ten drinks I won't get pickled"_

Dori and fire spirits attacked Ichigo.

_"I've got to hand it to you,_  
_You played by all the same rules~"_

Dori sondio away from a black getsuga.

_"It takes the truth to fool me and_  
_Now you've made me angry~"_

Dori shot a grand Rey ceros at the now Bankai Ichigo.

_"I can't decide whether you should live-"_

Ichigo blocked it and started a getsuga.

_"-or die~"_

Dori fired two Grand Rey Ceros at Ichigo.

_"Oh you'll probably go to heaven~_  
_Please don't hang your head and cry~"_

Ichigo had to flash step away.

_"No wonder my heart feels dead inside,_  
_It's cold and hard and petrified."_

When the ceros faded,ichigo saw Dori was know where to be found. She was behind him.

_"Lock the doors and close the blinds~_  
_We're going for a ride~"_

Dori sacred the heck out of ichigo, causing him to fire a getsuga at her.

_"Oh, I could throw in the lake~"_

Dori threw Ichigo across the battlefield.

_"Or feed you poisoned birthday~"_

Dori pulled out what suspiciously look like a cupcake and offered it Ichigo. She threw it behind her.

_"I won't deny I'm gonna miss you_  
_When you're gone~"_

Dori almost slit Ichigo's throat when he attacked her.

_"Oh I could bury you alive_  
_But you might crawl out with a knife_  
_And kill me when I'm sleeping~"_

Dori is now relentlessly trying to slit Ichigo's throat.

_"That's why..."_

Dori stoped attacking ichigo and tackled him to the ground.  
She is now sitting on his stomach, holding his hands with one hand and holding her sword in the other.

_"I can't decide whether you should live-"_

Dori laid her forehead on his.

_"-or die~"_

Dori suddenly lifted her head and laid the sharp end of her sword on Ichigo throat.

_"Oh you'll probably go to heaven~_  
_Please don't hang your head and cry~"_

Ichigo is sweating now.

_"No wonder my heart feels dead inside,_  
_It's cold and hard and petrified~"_

Dori laid Moeru yōna inu to the side next to zangetsu and got very close to his face.

_"Lock the doors and close the blinds~_  
_We're going for a ride~"_

"I win." Dori whispered to Ichigo and kisses him. Distor stared at the scene for 2 seconds then jumped up onto the table the IPod was on and hit pause on the song. Dori blinked a few times before she realised that she was kissing Ichigo. She quickly stoped kissing him and got off him, her face bright red.

"S-Sorry I didn't mean for that to happen!" Dori bowed to Ichigo and sondio away.

A thud was heard as BCoH fell backwards with a ripped up piece of paper on her chest. Ichigo walked over, wiping his lips as he went and picked them up, after a few goes at fixing it he finally did it revealing the word. "innocence?"


	9. Hiatus notice

**Ok I know I haven't Updated for a long time but this is to say I'm on hiatus on my stories.**

**I might post a couple of drabbles cause it's Xmas Break and stuff, but that's it.**

**Sorry. School has been not so great and having wrestling practice 4 of 5 days a week doesn't help. **

**-****_ Dori Moonrise_**


End file.
